Eagle’s Flight – the gathering – prayer – 11/8/13

Some years ago, I begin to have questions, for God, about prayer. I’ve been in church all my life and had made commitments and been drawn in by things of God, and been a bit perplexed by some of the people interactions which seemed to be more formula based, than real personal interaction.

years ago now, I started asking questions, as an adult in church,. I finally got around to asking ….
do you answer prayers
God?

why don’t I see your answers?

why do you feel like a Father who’s busy at work all the time
and hardly ever has time for me?

perhaps you need another job
because I don’t see how this one is working out so well.

Would you show me?
I’m desperate to see that you are doing something.
I’m getting desperate.
the world around me is going crazy
and I’m powerless to stop it

please
show me how prayer works.
I’ve   tried just having faith
but I get so tired working at having a faith
where I never see a clear result
so what’s the point?

so I asked
and said “show me”

so I wrote down what I asked for
and came back now and then
to see if any of my requests had been answered

and I discovered a first truth
I’d not known I was looking for:

who was I to say that
“God did this” or
“God said that”

so I decided it was OK to be wrong
and I’d go ahead and say it
(but only to myself)
and God could correct me
if I needed it

and I journaled on
for 2 years
an answer here
a strange thing there

and I looked back to see what answers
I could typically expect
and I discovered another truth:

80% of the time I got the same answer,
“you are asking the wrong question”

and I began
asking for the question
for the request that was needed
for me
for the person
or situation
I was praying for

and from there
my prayer blossomed into
receiving
gifts
healing
and wisdom on how to pray

answers came more frequently
like in real conversations
which are sometimes significant
and change lives
and other times are merely friendly
connectings
with old friends

and now
it remains
that one mark for me
of God’s answers
is the feeling of disappointment
in being given something other than what I’d asked for
but finding out
2 years later
how much I now appreciate
that disappointing move of God
and how deeply
it has become part
of who I am

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About Clark W Johnson

I am a poet, interested in using poetry to explore my interactions with the spiritual. I find poetry captures tension, paradox and flow well enough so I can hold experiences at arms length and reflect on them from multiple vantage points. As I walk deeper with my God, I'm finding such a record invaluable for myself, and I find that pieces and parts touch others as well. I love and long for more points of contact along those lines.
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2 Responses to Eagle’s Flight – the gathering – prayer – 11/8/13

  1. Darcey says:

    Clark, Perfect…absolutely perfect words. You have scribed my thoughts and yet I wonder how many others have come to this same conclusion. I’ve come to depend on Him knowing, when I don’t even know what I’m asking. So thankful, He knows my heart. I so appreciate your words.
    Darcey

  2. clarksapoet says:

    Thanks, Darcey – I also wonder … and I’m finding one here, one there and slowly I’m finding more and more people who resonate with these things. Thanks for your encouragement.

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