Eagle’s Flight – the gathering – loved – 10/24/13

we love
because God first loved us
how does God love me?

how did I learn to be loved?

“act like it
and soon you will feel like it”
I was told

yes, sometimes this is faith
but
this is also how we cover over our own feelings
which may well be flags
indicating something we really should look at more deeply
and perhaps find God’s grace
in dealing with
honestly
our weakness
where God’s strength is intended to be revealed

diving into scripture
stories of God’s dealings
with a wide variety of people
I began to see the same God’s hand
on me.

I used to feel that I could lock myself in a tower
when the going got to be too much for me
and in my isolation
I could let my unloved feelings
drop away.

I used to feel that God was interested in me
but that I didn’t really need much help
so when someone dropped dead behind me
God would excuse himself and go deal with
the dead one,
because I was strong
and could take care of myself

I used to feel the remains of the hurt
when in second grade my father responded
to my pride at being different on an art project
with “its not good to be weird”
and this hurt hung on
for 30+ years

In love
In prayer
Through many people connections
key conferences
worship
insights
and waiting

Jesus and I took the tower down
stone by stone

I realized that an infinite God
has infinite time, just for me
without neglecting anyone or anything
else

A hole in my heart
was healed when I asked
over the course of 10 minutes
about 20 years ago

and my conversations
my experiences in my walk
of faith with this God
who is Love
who is Father
who is Brother
who is Fiancé
who is Spirit
who is so many things to me
continue to strengthen
and deepen
the love I am given
the love that I give
away

and when I fall
or tire
I am forgiven
and I’m learning to rest
until I’m ready to go again

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About Clark W Johnson

I am a poet, interested in using poetry to explore my interactions with the spiritual. I find poetry captures tension, paradox and flow well enough so I can hold experiences at arms length and reflect on them from multiple vantage points. As I walk deeper with my God, I'm finding such a record invaluable for myself, and I find that pieces and parts touch others as well. I love and long for more points of contact along those lines.
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