Holding both an urgency to get to work, and a desire to play to my strengths and callings in this chapter’s job hunt is exercising my faith that somewhere these things will come together in a way that fits, even if only for a time. I’m letting the poet, musician, worship leader, software test philosopher come out more. I’m trying to stand up straighter, more internally truthfully, and connect with an audience that will work with me in creating better software, better poetry, or better music, better people in touch with their giftings, or perhaps all of these. Its a bit dangerous hanging out in the open like this. (I wonder how long it will take me to return and hide under other people’s expectations.)
living into
the paradigm
the me that God sees
is like starting to walk
its a learning
that springs from a desire
that matches an awakening ability
which can be encouraged
and modeled
from outside
yet happens when it’s time
from the beginning
we are ordinarily built to walk
there is a now and not yet
for this development
at birth we are built to walk, to run
but its time is not yet
the pieces are present
but not yet strong enough
not yet coordinated enough
and the desire
has not yet been conceived
but the conditions for the development
of these things are present
and will remain so
for years
so too
with a new birthed idea
a change of calling
or direction
and without learning to crawl
then stand
then walk
there would be no running
so looking for work
looking to clarify my calling
I am taking
initial
small steps
in the directions
of various calls
on my life
to open the boxes
I’ve become aware of
over years
of walking, running, flying, standing my ground
in places
I’d never been before
may I be graced with the time
to explore
may I be graced with the urgency
to move quickly into each call
there will be resistance
the workouts will be more intense
the broader or further afield
the impact
indeed grace please to so walk, run, fly and finally stand
in these calls
this time
