when you pray – 3/2/12

Matthew 6: 6

Years ago now, I was sitting in church, listening to someone praying for us from the front. I realized that I’d heard LOTS of prayers over the years, and I wondered what had become of all of them. As I listened to the prayers being prayed, I wondered how God would answer this particular set.  I decided to “be God” and see what I would do (if I were God) to answer.  At one point, I was reaching in my back pocket for an answer of healing, when I was interrupted as the prayer took a “protective” turn.  The prayer went from asking for healing, to protection against disappointment with “but … if its not your will, then ….help her die peacefully” or some such words.  At this point, I addressed God directly, “Do you actually answer prayers? If not, then you really need another job as this one isn’t working out so well. If you do, then show me your answers.”  Ah, and then the dialog began.

when you pray
talk with God
expect an answer
it may be hard to see
at first
but it’s increasingly easy
to see the gifts given
the conversations nudged along
as we walk together

but its hard
to see past 
my own expectations
which so strongly color
what I allow myself to hear

I’ve come to understand
and am beginning to treasure
my disappointment 
at receiving an answer
.   that I don’t “get”
.   don‘t like
.   think I’ll never ever do
because I know
that someday
(in usually less than 2 years)
I’ll be rejoicing
in this “way cool”
aspect of my walk with God
that I’ve finally grown into
enough
to begin to see
what I’ve gotten into

indeed
open my eyes
to see the me
You see
and let me walk
deeper into
this one
emerging